MIDNIGHT LOVE; tell me u love me

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Recently, I had a fight with Shirley. Somehow I have no idea why, but she suddenly says that she wants a private blog. She says that she doesn't want to block me, but that way she wrote on msn really breaks my heart.

All I want to do is to take care of my friends, they are my number one priority, even over my own family. But when Shirley says that she wants her own private blog, I cannot make sure she's ok anymore. She won't chat with me on MSN unless if I initiated chat first.

Even if she has a private blog, Shirley is still technically blocking me on blogger. Knowing that if she blocks me on blogger, it would break my heart. So she sent me a message like this:

i know the feeling of being blocked, and i don't like doing that if it isnt really necessary, that it the reason why i wrote to you first, so you would have known about it first, that i want a private blog.

This really hurts me because if you are having a private blog, you could at least tell me in a nice way, unlike this:

23/02/2010	6:21:57 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	really, like im not intentionally blocking you
23/02/2010	6:22:08 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	im just building a wall from the whole world
23/02/2010	6:22:11 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	where only i can enter
23/02/2010	6:22:14 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	if u get wht i mean
23/02/2010	6:22:19 PM	仮面ライダーゼロノス	Shirlee	ok
23/02/2010	6:22:33 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	and i dont want to used the word block, because i know that u dont like it
23/02/2010	6:22:52 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	and i dont want to have to be "blocking" you, but i just really want to have a blog that belongs to just me

This really hurts me you know? Every time she says that she would try not to hurt me, she would keep hurting me deeper and deeper. Its like a knife stabbed in the chest, trying to plunge in deeper and deeper to kill me.

Also, I don't really like people who says that they are going to do an action but when up not doing it. If the person is all words and no action, why should I become friends with you?

This brings back to Shirley once again.

This is the chat log where she says that she would wave at me:

23/02/2010	6:47:33 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	im sorry to bother you, but before you left i didnt have to chance to ask, should i not say hi or anything anymore?
23/02/2010	8:17:13 PM	仮面ライダーゼロノス	Shirlee	You can say hi to me...but that's about it
23/02/2010	8:17:41 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	would u say hi back?
23/02/2010	8:18:44 PM	仮面ライダーゼロノス	Shirlee	i might
23/02/2010	8:21:01 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	then when would i know whether i should wave or not?
23/02/2010	8:21:14 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	should i wait until a few months later, to wave?
23/02/2010	8:21:24 PM	仮面ライダーゼロノス	Shirlee	just wave tomorrow
23/02/2010	8:21:52 PM	Shirlee	仮面ライダーゼロノス	ohk

I was in the same area with her 3 times. Once in the canteen, once at the hallway at First floor and once at the carpark area. 3 times!! And she wouldn't wave to me. This breaks my heart as I was looking forward to the wave, but she didn't do it. This brings back to the title of this blog:

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

I'm trying to save our friendship here, but if you keep avoiding my actions, how am I going to save this? Should I let this be a doomed relationship, or should I save it?

tell me you love me;
5:20 AM